Being Mindful of Our Mediators
“If you want to be successful, you must respect one rule: never lie to yourself.” — Paulo Coelho
Earlier this year, I read this quote in tandem with another. Both appeared in my readings one day, and each was enough to catch my attention, like a snag in the yarn of a favorite sweater. The second was by professional hockey player Jason Spezza. He says, "A big skill, if you want to play for a long time, is just being honest in assessing how you're playing. If you wait until the coach tells you you're not playing good, a lot of times it's too late."
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In distinct but related ways, these proclamations made me think about what I call “feedback loops.” And they reminded me of my recent interview with Dr. Terry Wahls for the 15-Minute Matrix podcast, where she discussed the term “biosensor.” Both of these concepts speak to the ways we do-experience-notice-respond.
In a self-health feedback loop, we do-experience-notice-respond.
On the Functional Nutrition Matrix, if we’re not lying to ourselves – if we’re listening to the physiological and psychological responses to all we encounter with a keen but abstracted perception – we have better opportunities to find some of our mediators. Mediators are the things that help us feel better, or make us feel worse. They are modifiers that we have the opportunity to define for ourselves.
Mindfulness of our mediators is an act of defiance.
The concept of the mediator is one that often confounds the practitioners I teach. In Functional Nutrition, when considering the story of a patient, we think into what’s called ATMs: Antecedents, Triggers, and Mediators. While antecedents are a thread for another post (or several), the confusion can stem from the distinction between our triggers and mediators. Simply, triggers are what got you here. Mediators are what you can do to tune in to the reality that you are here, each and every day.
Mediator starts with “me.” I like that because mediators are all about listening to me and what I know to be true for and about myself. I invite you to do the same.
Mindfulness of our mediators is truly an act of defiance. Yet, in our culture, it doesn’t seem rebellious to focus on any aspect of me. As a GenXer, I’m sandwiched between those sometimes called the Me Generation and the Me Me Me Generation. (If that’s you, know that I applaud your connection to your “me”!) The endeavors of genetic sequencing companies like 23andMe, which promise we’ll know more about ourselves with their results (not always true, depending on what we’re looking for), have shaped our understanding of identity. And the #MeToo movement – initially created by Tarana Burke in 2006 to bolster Black women who’d silently suffered to find support networks and feel less isolated in their trauma – went viral, moving into spaces and being used in ways that Burke had never imagined. (Documented in Burke’s book “Unbound: My Story of Liberation and the Birth of the Me Too Movement.”)
So how is the “me” in mediators different? And how is a self-health focus on our mediators a defiant or rebellious act when we’re already mired in a “me” focused moment in history? Well, maybe it’s not. Maybe it doesn’t need to be. Each of these cultural movements focused on recognizing the individual captures a shake-up of sorts. And when it comes to self-health, it’s high time for a shake-up.
The “me” in mediators invites an internal gaze.
Mindfulness of our mediators embraces the recognition of those antecedents (genetics, ancestry, cultural roots, and background). It honors our triggers (again, what’s happened to me, what insults have I suffered, endured, experienced). And mediators invite me to consider how those truths about ME manifest in MY body. And, ultimately, how I TAKE care.
Before I go any further (yes, we’ll get to the coffee promised in the title of this post), I invite you to TAKE a moment for yourself, with a thoughtful pause, to consider one way that you nourish your soul daily. If you wish, drop it in the comments. I’d love to read your responses.
Note: Your self and soul nourishment doesn’t have to be a fad health trend. This is not a contest for ounces of celery juice consumed or homemade bone broth brewed or compilation of pills (of the nutrient/herb variety) popped. Instead it’s the #1 thing that comes to mind when you consider how you mediate daily.
“Nourish your soul, mediate daily.”
Mediators are also a part of our circle of influence. Our circle of influence exists in the personal universe that we cannot always control as we’d like to. I often find that if I’m trying to control in order to mediate I may still be lying to myself. Mediating and honing our circle of influence is an instinct that we’ve somehow lost touch with. I know it can get lost for me, and when that happens, I’m stuck between control and concern. (Hello anxiety.) Influence exists somewhere in the middle, as pictured below.
The Circle of Influence, as illustrated above, is a concept popularized by Stephen Covey in 1989 in his book “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.”
I can easily lie to myself about coffee.
Finding that circle of influence and striking this balance between restriction and allowance (or potential dishonesty) is a part of the constant balancing act of living with purpose. I can easily lie to myself about coffee. I’ve written about the chemistry of coffee on the Functional Nutrition Alliance blog here, and earlier in graduate school. Me and coffee?… We relationship cycle. Do I think coffee is “bad” or “good”? You can read that blog post to find out my (fully Functional) opinion there. But here I’m talking about being honest with myself. And my response to coffee.
Here’s what my coffee feedback loop(s) and biosensors tell me:
I enjoy having a morning cup of organic French pressed coffee with a hefty splash of coconut or homemade nut milk whirred with date syrup, vanilla and cinnamon (yum!) ✓
If I drink that coffee in the morning, then all circadian energy circuits function appropriately – no issues with sleep that night ✓
I can (thankfully) start and stop the habit without withdrawal (no headaches, tiredness, brain fog, etc.) ✓
I seem to have a bit more of a bite, a little more intensity in my daily interactions; I’m quicker to respond and react X
Three out of four positive effects. How does that stack up?
Well, that depends. It depends on my goals at the moment. And it depends on who I am writing those specific things.
First, let me say that some might already call me a bit intense (without that cup of joe). I don’t necessarily need any more “bite.” I tend to speak my truth and say it boldly. I’m driven. On a good day others might call me “passionate.” This is something I’ve learned to embody as I aged, especially as a woman.
The panoply of a powerful stance, perspective, and clear purpose is not always welcome, no matter how much gender equality has changed in my lifetime. (And, let’s face it, we still have a long way to go). First, I didn’t recognize it. Then I resented it. Finally, I started to recognize and honor it, to “own it.” For a long time, it served me well. It helped me expand my practice and my team, my professional relationships and my leadership – all things I continued to do with awareness of the opportunities that brought me to this place in my life.
It worked for me until it didn’t.
In new situations and environments, my evolved authority and influence were misplaced, misconstrued, even judged. Trusting my instincts, as I’ve learned to do, left me in a tug-of-war, a constant battle that impacted not only those around me, but took a deep toll on me as well. Those conflicts left me wondering how I could continue to be the revolutionary, warrior, seeker that I am. How could I strive to change the way we do healthcare without forfeiting my own health? I determined that, despite that morning glory in my mug, sharpening my canines for some added bite was probably not the best way to find diplomacy and pursue my mission.
In other words: Not lying to myself was the first step.
The second step was the weighing of the risk and reward. We weigh risk and reward (or cost/benefit) by asking ourselves, what speaks more profoundly to me at this moment?: The risk of being a bit more aggressive, combating what I cannot change, and bearing the burden of being labeled as difficult? Or the delight of that warming cup of coffee?
Both are evaluations that only I can make. And that decision may change. It’s not a constant because I am not static. Nor is my environment. And my area of influence (in my circle of influence) is also in flux.
For now, as an act of defiance that favors my self-health, I’ve placed the French press on an open shelf in my kitchen. It may come down for a rendezvous on a slow Saturday morning, with no meetings on the docket, when I can savor the powers of my canines without repercussion.
